Joe DeVito, another city council member, said he would not support a ban on air guitar, much to the relief of air guitarists across the valley. “This is the first time I have ever heard of air guitar,” said DeVito, “but if anyone wants to sit around, anywhere, playing air guitar, I can’t imagine anyone denying them that right.”
Ok, some dork has figured another technological "alternative" to the air guitar. Using the Wii remote controls, he's hacked himself a virtual air guitar (albeit with lame, MIDI Christmas music).
When will these people learn that technology will never replace the air?
As Marx wrote in the Communist Manifesto, "All that is solid melts into air."
Even my shrink saw me. Apparently he watches reruns of Law and Order on the USA Network. (Did I just broach my doctor/patient confidentiality agreement?)
Yes...in this segment I subliminally attempt to pimp Visine and a Jeep while teaching one-hit wonders Evan and Jaron how to air guitar.
I used to love Jack Black. Really. I thought he was funny and everything.
But when there was talk a few years ago about a feature film about the last true art form: AIR GUITAR (based, naturally, on my book and the stupendous documentary Air Guitar Nation) who do you think got the first phone call? Oh yes, Jack Black.
Black's people reported back, "It sounds like a great project," they began.
"You're fucking right it's a great project," we interrupted.
"But Mr. Black has an issue with air guitar."
"What sort of issue?" we inquired.
"He had a bad experience with it once," they explained.
"A bad experience? With air guitar?" How was that possible, we wondered?
"So, I'm afraid he's not interested," they said and clicked off their Hollywood speakerphone.
But NOW, in a bizarre and twisted twist of twisting fate, it appears that Mr. "I'm Afraid of the Air Guitar" has decided that he's okay with it NOW...now that it will help him sell his little "Pick of Destiny" movie.
Well friends, I urge you to BOYCOTT this film! Jack Black is a sham (did anyone see Nacho Libre, btw? Jésus that sucked!), a sell-out and a liar and does not deserve your dollars! Save them for REAL air guitarists in Air Guitar Nation, coming in March 2007!
You may have already seen or heard about this new "invention" from down under. Apparently an Australian "scientist" (pardon my numerous "air" quotes in this entry) has developed a shirt that plays air guitar.
The T-shirt has motion sensors built into its elbows that pick up movements and relay them wirelessly to a computer which interprets them as guitar riffs.
One arm is interpreted as picking chords while the other strums.
The "wearable instrument shirt" is adaptable to both right and left-handed would-be rock stars.
"It's an easy-to-use, virtual instrument that allows real-time music-making - even by players without significant musical or computing skills," said the research team leader, Richard Helmer.
"It allows you to jump around and the sound generated is just like an original mp3."
Dr Helmer, an engineer from the Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization (Csiro) in Belmont, Australia, added that there was a serious side to the "wearable instrument shirt".
The researcher said similar sensors could be used in the future to reproduce a person in a virtual world so they could get feedback on their actions and improve their sporting techniques.
When will these people learn that air guitar is not something to be made virtual? Why do people keep trying to improve upon perfection?
I'll tell you why: these "scientists" are trying to give the old sell out to the Last Pure Art Form. They realize that air guitar is universal, and they see dollar signs in place of invisible guitars. They fancy themselves selling their idea to some global corporate conglomerate and buying summer homes in New Zealand. Well, I have news for you. It ain't gonna happen.
Björn Türoque, your humble and faithful air guitar servant, has watched the video. He can see right through their pathetic ploys. This thing will never sell. It's insanely clunky and in no way mimics the power of pure air guitar. (Imagine—the folly of mimicing the mimicry of guitar playing?)
As 2005 Air Guitar World Champion Michael Heffels notes of the Finn's "virtual" air guitar in my book:
(I think he was trying to be kind. I saw him this year in Finland. He was drunk and admitted the thing was pretty lame).
Do not be fooled my brothers! Air guitar is free! It is pure!
Björn rocked some David Byrne air guitar action at the Talking Heads Loser's Lounge last Saturday night.
There will be a repeat performance of the LOSER'S LOUNGE tribute to the Talking Heads on Thursday Oct 12 at CBGB. This will be one of the FINAL 4 SHOWS at the historic rock club before it shuts its doors forever. My guess is that Mr. Byrne will make a special appearance, but who knows.
In other news, Japan not only rules the air guitar, but apparently they also have an AIR SEX COMPETITION (bringing new meaning to the idea of what it means to be "big in Japan."
Japan's air sex world champion licks himself into shape
Japan has recently claimed the world air guitar championship, but Weekly Playboy (10/2) notes that less well known is that Japan already had a world champ in another virtual sport -- air sex!
Just like air guitar pits competitors prancing around on stage empty handed but acting as though they were playing a hot riff, air sex requires players to simulate sauciness as though with a partner, but actually while alone.
"Air sex was originally invented by guys who couldn't get girlfriends, but desperately want to have sex," J-Taro Sugisaku, the self-professed creator of air sex, tells Weekly Playboy.
Sugimura tells the weekly that air sex began when a mostly male group gathered at a theater in the trendy Tokyo district of Shimo Kitazawa earlier this year. They began talking about sex techniques, then started demonstrating them. Soon, a competition developed to come up with the most outrageous display of faked fornication.
Yes, last night Bjorn Turoque rocked Conan with some mad air guitar. At the end of the show, Al "Air America" Franken joined in for an impromptu air band (Conan played air tamborine). It was truly amazing.
For those googlers out there wondering, "What was that song that air guitar dude played last night on Conan..." I suggest you buy my book, TO AIR IS HUMAN. The answer awaits you in its pages. Plus, it's a damn funny book. I promise. And it's not just about air guitar, it's about the idea of chasing down a dream, no matter how ridiculous, absurd, or invisible that dream may be.
It's all the sex, drugs, and rock and roll of your average rock memoir (take Motley Crue's biography, The Dirt, for example) only the instruments are made of air. Seriously, it's paperback. It's almost as affordable as an air guitar. Just buy it.
Tonight Bjorn Turoque will be making an appearance on Late Night With Conan O'Brien.
Of course, Conan is massive in Finland, home of the Air Guitar World Championships, where it is believed he was separated at birth from the Finnish president, Tarja Halonen.
Last week, at the Edinburgh Film Festival, I joined Alexandra Lipsitz, director of Air Guitar Nation, and Cedric Devitt, one of the founders of US Air Guitar, to screen the film. It was the first time I had seen it with a non-American audience and I was a bit worried, since it is a very American film at heart. At the end of the film, they clapped politely, and I was concerned it might not have translated. But once the Q&A began, it was obviously they loved it completely. It turns out the Scots are simply polite moviegoers.
It was later though, at the bar during the after-party that their true feelings came out.
“Re-speeeeeect! NO! RE-speeeeeeeeeeect!” shouted a gigantic lumbering inebriated Scotsman with a brogue as thick as haggis, nearly hugging me to death. He apparently loved the film immensely. Others told me it was literally the funniest movie they had ever seen. (Could this be true? Did Over the Top never make it to Scotland?) Suffice to say, the film was a big hit.
We had two Aireoke parties. Both were incredibly amazing, sweaty affairs.
The Scots proved they could rock as hard (or harder) than the rest, and Cedric (a/k/a Aer Lingus) got a ride on the shoulders of another gargantuan local.
For a short respite from the madness of air guitar, Alexandra, Cedric & his girlfriend Minji (my personal air guitar costume designer, btw) and I took a relaxing journey up to the utterly gorgeous Isle of Skye in the Scottish Highlands.
About an hour into the drive we got a flat tire.
“Front left tire?” asked the Norman-Bates-from-Psycho-meets-Jack-Torrence-from-The-Shining B&B proprietor, under the watchful gaze of taxidermic birds of prey.
“Yep,” said Cedric, who had been driving at the time of the puncture.
“Americans,” he said, shaking his head. “Always the front left.”
(Recall that in the UK, they drive on the opposite side of the road).
While changing the tire, we were attacked by a swarm—literally, a SWARM!—of blood-sucking midges: tiny white bugs that nibble on one’s flesh.
The next day we took a hike through a bog, getting lost and covered in mud. We then went fishing for four hours and caught some air salmon.
It was a comedy of errors really, but we had a good time.
(note: some of this bloggage is repeated from my guest blog this week on Powells.com)
A good time was had by all the other night after the reading at Book Soup. We did Aireoke in the so-called Plush Room of the Key Club on the Sunset Strip.
It was very Sunset Strip.
Later, Metal Skool rocked upstairs and Kelly Clarkson even joined on stage. I was on the sidelines in my spandex, waiting for my special guest air-ppearance, but I think Kelly Clarkson sideswiped me. Oh well...
The makers and stars of AIR GUITAR NATION (winner of the audience award at SXSW, and official selection at Tribeca, Silverdocs, Full Frame, Britdoc and Edinburgh) headed to a small resort town in northern Michigan known as Traverse City for Michael Moore's second annual Traverse City Film Festival.
It was amazing.
We arrived in time for our midnight screening (added after our first screening sold out) and went down to the greenroom to meet Mr. Moore.
"I LOVE this film!" he gushed. "I wanted to open the festival with it, but I'm the youngest person on the committee, and they wouldn't let me!"
We were blown away. The screening was great, and we went back to our insanely VIP accomodations to drink until 4am, in classic air guitar style.
The next day, after a bit of leisure time on the balcony and at the Pirate's Cove Fun Park (Bjorn finally beat C-Diddy at something - Mini Golf!) we headed over to the 7pm SOLD OUT screening. The line was around the block.
We watched from the balcony of the beautiful State Theater as Michael Moore got up on stage to introduce the film. Moore noticed a young kid in the front row and asked him if he was excited to see Air Guitar Nation. The kid said he was the first in line.
"You were first in line, and now you are sitting in the front row?" asked Moore.
"Yeah!" said the kid.
"Get up here on stage!" said Moore. And the kid, whose name we were told was Max, joined Michael on stage.
The audience went nuts - for Max, for Michael, and for the film.
We came out for the Q&A and got a standing ovation, and tons of great questions from the audience including, "What's the worst injury you've sustained playing air guitar." Little did I know what foreshadowing lay in that question...
We hung out with Max a little bit afterwards. He is the coolest kid EVER.
We headed off to the Aireoke after party at the Loading Dock bar, and it was off the hook, so to speak. Lots of great participants, some great air bands, demonstrations by me and C-Diddy...
As the evening wore on, it was time for a duet with me and The Diddy.
We chose "Good Times Bad Times" the Zepp song we played a duet to at the very first air guitar competition in New York, 2003. It was amazing. At one point, I got up on the tall PA speaker to rock from on-high.
Then I got on top of C-Diddy's shoulders (stealing William Ocean's move form this year's finals) and played the rocking Page solo from there.
At the end of the solo, however, I zigged when I shoulda zagged, and C-Diddy bucked when he shoulda...done something else.
In other words, I did a massive faceplant from C-Diddy's shoulders directly on to the stage, landing on my face, shoulder and left hand--which I immediately assumed was broken.
I felt a little electric shock in the left side of my face, and birdies flew in circles around my head.
After a few moments in the men's room with some ice, all was well again, and the rocking continued! My hand, thankfully, was not broken.
The next night, we went to the closing night party and got to meet some more of the truly wonderful people of Traverse City. They rock! Then we found out we won an award, but nobody was sure what it was...turns out we tied for the audience award with Little Miss Sunshine and Viva Zapatero!
We finished off the evening at Michael's Surprise Screening where he premiered a "secret film" he has been working on about the 2004 election (remember that? ugh...) called The Great Slacker '04 Uprising. I have to say it totally blew me away. The film chronicles Michael's 60+ city tour during the '04 election and all the rallies he organized trying to get young people to vote. I was so energized and excited by it. Of course, despite the fact that we know how it ends (TRAGICALLY!) it somehow remains a completely uplifting film. I was ready to start an air guitar mid-term election rally! It could happen...
Last, we hung out with Mr. Moore on the street in front of the theater to gush to him about his movie. It was all fairly surreal. And, totally incredible.
The book you've all been waiting for, To Air is Human: One Man's Quest to Become the World's Greatest Air Guitarist is now available at a bookstore near you.
If you've ever played air guitar, or knew someone that did, or laughed at a stranger you caught doing it, this is the book for you.
I'll be appearing on NPR's Talk of the Nation today, August 1st, at 3:30pm EST. I'll post a link to the podcast tomorrow.
In other breaking world news:
Britain's Zac "The Magnet" Monro has been told to trim his bush. Apparently, it's a whale of a bush. Zac, I say you leave that bush as is. Though I have never had the pleasure of viewing it, I am sure it is spectacular. We stand by you all the way...
Pictured: Judges of the 2006 US Air Guitar Finals Leigh Lust, an A&R man for Atlantic Records; former international champ Miri "Sonyk-Rok" Park; “Daily Show” correspondent Jason Jones; and Gavin McInnes, founder of Vice Magazine.
Last night, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart showed three short clips from the US Air Guitar Finals the Moment of Zen. Since air guitar is considered by many to be "instant Western meditation," it is not surprising, then, that Stewart chose these shredolicious clips for the segment.
Featured in the clips are Psycho Dave of Miami (formerly of LA), Justin "Nordic Thunder" Howard of Chicago, and Mike "The Godfather of Air" Torpey of Chicago. Nice work, gents.
In other news, SCANDAL hits the UK air guitar scene!
Zac "The Magnet" Monro, two-time world champ from the UK decided that it was high time the UK had a "proper affiliated" competition. So he decided to set one up. Now there are two rival competitions - one which operates according to its own rules, and one which follows International Standards and Practices for Competitive Air Guitar. Can you guess which Björn supports?
We applaud you Zac for taking air guitar to the next and proper level in the UK!
A statement from airguitaruk.com (Zac)
We knew the road would strew with rock-hewn obstacles, and here's our 1st.
The guy who's been making money of UK Air Guitar for the last few years and refusing to send his champions to Finland is up in arms about our new Championship, I expect lost of slating and insults and threats from him.
From us you can expect no such thing, I still think what he does is great.
But remember its: www.airguitaruk.com
Not www.ukairguitar.com
And its still on so post in on your myspaces and link it to your sites!
Love
Z
A statement from ukairguitar.com
the website for this competition is www.ukairguitar.com . on march 28th, 2006 www.airguitaruk.com was registered by zac monro and from the sound of it SJM concerts to do a rival competition. there isn’t much difference is there? please stand by as we try to get this mess sorted out. as some of you know i refused to pay the finnish people money so the UK could compete on the ‘world’ stage - for the following reasons - 1. the audience not judges should decide the winner; 2. the finals were always on the same weekend as reading and leeds which i always dj / go to / play at ; 3. now the finns have decided not to have their finals at the festival and instead have moved from august to september and also have moved to a club setting [which the airguitaruk.com site criticises] also and this is the biggest point - i didn’t want to pay someone for an idea that was [as first air guitar posts point out] are a massive cultural phenomenon.
Zac's Reply:
We have tried to set up a meeting, but he would rather send-off angry e-mails and has threaten legal action against the promoter, threatening to set up a rival World Championships and threatening to squash us the way he squashed coca-cola!?! The promoter who has agreed to run this at a loss, with charity donations and in accordance with World Championship rules, was not much please with this behaviour but has remained calm and peaceful, in accordance with the philosophy.
Brilliant wrap up of the US Air Guitar Finals by the Village Voice.
My favorite excerpt: "...Björn Türoque, regarded within the discipline as a sort of Dan Marino/Jay-Z figure: fantastic ability, highly beloved, but never quite able to win the big one, and now prematurely retired..." Ah, so true.
The resemblance is striking.
We arrived in time for our midnight screening (added after our first screening sold out) and went down to the greenroom to meet Mr. Moore.
We watched from the balcony of the beautiful State Theater as Michael Moore got up on stage to introduce the film. Moore noticed a young kid in the front row and asked him if he was excited to see Air Guitar Nation. The kid said he was the first in line.
We hung out with Max a little bit afterwards. He is the coolest kid EVER.
Last, we hung out with Mr. Moore on the street in front of the theater to gush to him about his movie. It was all fairly surreal. And, totally incredible.
