Jack Black Succombs to Air Guitar (and is a lying pussy)

I used to love Jack Black. Really. I thought he was funny and everything.

But when there was talk a few years ago about a feature film about the last true art form: AIR GUITAR (based, naturally, on my book and the stupendous documentary Air Guitar Nation) who do you think got the first phone call? Oh yes, Jack Black.

Black's people reported back, "It sounds like a great project," they began.

"You're fucking right it's a great project," we interrupted.

"But Mr. Black has an issue with air guitar."

"What sort of issue?" we inquired.

"He had a bad experience with it once," they explained.

"A bad experience? With air guitar?" How was that possible, we wondered?

"So, I'm afraid he's not interested," they said and clicked off their Hollywood speakerphone.

But NOW, in a bizarre and twisted twist of twisting fate, it appears that Mr. "I'm Afraid of the Air Guitar" has decided that he's okay with it NOW...now that it will help him sell his little "Pick of Destiny" movie.

Well friends, I urge you to BOYCOTT this film! Jack Black is a sham (did anyone see Nacho Libre, btw? Jésus that sucked!), a sell-out and a liar and does not deserve your dollars! Save them for REAL air guitarists in Air Guitar Nation, coming in March 2007!

I still like Kyle though.

Your faithful air servant,
Björn Türoque

More Air Than You Can Shake a Stick At

From Japan, Air Wrestling:



And from Australia, Air Bassoon:



Last, this guy is not really playing air instruments, but he kicks ass:

Another "Virtual" Air Guitar??

You may have already seen or heard about this new "invention" from down under. Apparently an Australian "scientist" (pardon my numerous "air" quotes in this entry) has developed a shirt that plays air guitar.

From the BBC:

The T-shirt has motion sensors built into its elbows that pick up movements and relay them wirelessly to a computer which interprets them as guitar riffs.

One arm is interpreted as picking chords while the other strums.

The "wearable instrument shirt" is adaptable to both right and left-handed would-be rock stars.

"It's an easy-to-use, virtual instrument that allows real-time music-making - even by players without significant musical or computing skills," said the research team leader, Richard Helmer.

"It allows you to jump around and the sound generated is just like an original mp3."

Dr Helmer, an engineer from the Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization (Csiro) in Belmont, Australia, added that there was a serious side to the "wearable instrument shirt".

The researcher said similar sensors could be used in the future to reproduce a person in a virtual world so they could get feedback on their actions and improve their sporting techniques.

When will these people learn that air guitar is not something to be made virtual? Why do people keep trying to improve upon perfection?

I'll tell you why: these "scientists" are trying to give the old sell out to the Last Pure Art Form. They realize that air guitar is universal, and they see dollar signs in place of invisible guitars. They fancy themselves selling their idea to some global corporate conglomerate and buying summer homes in New Zealand. Well, I have news for you. It ain't gonna happen.

Björn Türoque, your humble and faithful air guitar servant, has watched the video. He can see right through their pathetic ploys. This thing will never sell. It's insanely clunky and in no way mimics the power of pure air guitar. (Imagine—the folly of mimicing the mimicry of guitar playing?)

As 2005 Air Guitar World Champion Michael Heffels notes of the Finn's "virtual" air guitar in my book:



(I think he was trying to be kind. I saw him this year in Finland. He was drunk and admitted the thing was pretty lame).

Do not be fooled my brothers! Air guitar is free! It is pure!

Go forth and rock, unencumbered!

-BT